Just Dropping In :)

Hello my loves.

I have been sooooo neglectful. Ugh. I have yet another flight in about two hours going to Rhode Island. And, I am excited to visit the landscape, see my mentor who is throwing me a party after my talk, and on top of that I have two photoshoots all in 48 hours. 

Ya girl has been grinding. In the last month, I have been to Texas, New York, Chicago, New Jersey, and will be traveling to two other states for panel discussions and keynotes. 

So, now you know why I've been so in and out. LOL. On top of that I have some projects coming up that I can't wait to share. But, I am always on Instagram. So, if you want to see me everyday then that's the place to find me.  

Shades: DIFF Eyewear + Jacket: Addition Elle + Dress: REBDOLLS 

Hopefully, when the traveling pauses, I will be back to blogging on time. But, in the meantime here are some dope photos to carry you through the week of a fat, Black, and unapologetic Muslim girl being herself and hoping that through her art, her words that you will be, too. 

With the photos, I hope that you start your week off by being gentle with yourself and with others. And, know that if no one tells you this, I will. You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are valuable. You are worth it all. 

xoxo,

Leah V 

When I Finally Noticed that My Uniqueness was an Asset

I was an odd child. Of course, going through an identity crisis of how white I could act or how much percentage of black I was. In between that I was Muslim. During those times, who knew what that was supposed to mean…

I was heavy into makeup way before the makeup boom we see now was ‘in’. When I tell you no one I knew wore it, like no one wore it. You might have seen an occasional girl wearing a light wing line or some clear lip gloss, but nothing heavy. That wasn’t ‘in’. I wore foundation that was clearly too light for my caramel complexion and glitter on my cheeks like a mermaid. People thought I was weird. And, I was.

At that time, there wasn’t any dark eyeshadow palettes. I was a creative kid and had a dark lipstick palette. I was feeling mischievous so I dug my finger into the mixture and smeared it on my lids then on my lips. I was this deep, dark seductress. I think I might have been fourteen.

Mom called my name from the bottom of the stairs. I slowly crept into the light. She gasped. “Amerra, what is that on your face?”

“Makeup,” I said with my arms crossed.

Mom didn’t like the makeup I wore. She didn’t like that kind of expression. She just didn’t get it.   

Makeup: Janet Doman

I wore black nail polish and lace gloves. I wore miniskirts over my jeans and heavy eyeliner. I was heavily insecure, but you’d never know. The kind of girl that’d cuss out your grandmother. I was driven and educated. Obnoxious and funny.

For those who didn’t know me, my style stood out. Many Muslims didn’t agree with it. I was deemed a ‘hoe’ because of the way I dressed; when in reality, I was much less of a hoe than their fully covered daughters…but that’s another story completely.             

I don’t care what anybody says, the world has been stacked against me and my unparalleled uniqueness. This world, this society, the way it thinks and moves wasn’t built for people like me. And we already know why. We see it every day on the cover of magazines and plastered on billboards.

I’ve never fit into any specific categories of Muslim-ness. Of beauty. Of education. Of Black-ness. And, I don’t plan on it anytime soon.

For so long, I’ve taken my complexities and thought of them as hindrances.

I was tired. Angry. Mentally ill. People were tired of me and I tired of them.

I needed a change. And, in order to change, I had to rewire my entire mindset.

Instead of viewing my intersections as negatively as how others viewed them, I decided to try a different approach. What if I could embrace those differences? Create a path containing my truths instead of someone else’s version of what I should be?

Why is this world so obsessed with making people fall in line? Why aren’t we groomed to think outside the box and embrace differences? Well, for one, it’s easier to control individuals who don’t have their own opinions. Secondly, it’s easier to sell people things who constantly follow trends and feel the need to keep up with the “now”.   

It’s so important to always, always embrace your differences, those quirks and idiosyncrasies. They make you original, one of a kind. You’ll have people trying to change your outlook. Change the way you dress and how you speak and how you view the world from your lens. Don’t let them.

Location: Paris, France 

People were uncomfortable with my differences then and certainly are uncomfortable now. I’ve chosen to take that core value of expression and exploit it. Scream it at the rooftops. Wear it as a badge. But being your true self doesn’t come without it’s downsides. I get attacked with every new feature that sprouts. I get called ‘fat’, ‘disgusting’, ‘gross’, ‘not Muslim’, among other harsh choice words and phrases.      

What these trolls fail to understand is that I’ve been through a hell of a lot of shit in my life. The absence of parents. Friends that allowed jealousy to rip apart our relationships. Doors slammed in my face. Bill collectors on my line. A failed marriage. I’ve already been through hell and back. I’ve been through decades of self-doubt and loathing and hatred. I’m at a place where I can finally be secure with myself and a stupid comment from a faceless nut job from behind a computer screen won’t catapult me back to that insecure girl.

So, to all my weirdos, black girls who listen to 80’s rock, artists, unmarried Muslim girls being pestered by their families, trans, fatties, and dark-skinned individuals who are constantly teased, do not try to fit into a mold, allow your uniqueness to always carry you because the very people who are ‘making fun’ of you for these intersections want to secretly be you…    

xoxo,

Leah V         

Detroit Girl in a London World

I’ll be releasing a series of photos of my London trip last month. And, yes, my blog posts have been sporadic, but bear with me. I’m creating new content, shooting better shoots, and living. But, I am so excited to click that ‘publish’ button to share my journeys with you all. And these are from Day 1.

A few weeks before my trip, life was craaaaazy. Ugh, like I was literally pulling sixteen hour days in order to prepare for my two-week adventure (that was much needed). Ever since my divorce and move last September things have been kinda sorta getting back to normal, but like everyone else, I have my days.

This trip to London was solo. I needed to get away, be someone different for a second. I needed to breathe and take a step back from family drama and friends. I needed to push myself, sit in silence, and really get a feel for who I was. It was a trip for self-discovery and meeting new people and getting lost and depending on strangers.

And even though, my wallet was stolen at a London nightclub, all was not lost. I shared a kiss on the top level of a Brixton bus, explored the city, danced, soaked up the architecture, and met some amazing individuals. So, all in all, it was an amazing trip that I wouldn’t change for shit!

The internet is a crazy place that I love dearly. Lol. I put out a call on my IG page for people in London to show me around or even collaborate. My inbox was flooded! One artist/girl boss in particular had reached out. Her name is Esmahan from Canada and she and her sister, Amnna, co-owns a company called Buno Designs, which is based in London. All through Instagram messenger, we sent ideas back and forth, measurements, and they had set up a Parisian photographer to shoot me the day I landed.

Amnna designed and hand sewn a reversible kimono/abaya just for me.

When I got off the plane, I was jetlag. Customs took over an hour to get through. I couldn’t find my luggage for a long time. And I got lost getting to the Air b’n’b. Three hours later, I finally made it to my destination. Amnna and I had a few issues with messaging (no international calling! Ha). Everything started going downhill and it seemed as though the shoot wasn’t going to happen.

I met this man on the street. He started telling me about his girlfriend that was overseas. Just a very random love of his life story. Amnna never came out of the subway exit. I got nervous. “Are you ok?” the man asked.

“No,” I replied. “I’m waiting for a friend. She may be lost. Or maybe I’m lost.”

“You know there is another exit a block down.”

I thanked him and walked very fast and waited at the second exit. A few minutes passed. Then I saw her making her way up the stairs holding on to a large bag with my garment inside.

“Amnna,” I yelled over London traffic, waving my arms.

We were running about an hour behind, but luckily, the Parisian photographer was patient and waited for us to arrive at our destination.    

Because we were late, we were losing light, fast. Amnna convinced a local tailor to press the wrinkles out of the garment in ten minutes. I put on some lipstick really quickly and we shot in a magical neighborhood full of white background. It was chilly, she was sick, and I was kinda sick, too. And everyone was tired, but we thugged it out and created a really nice set of photos that I’m very proud of.

It’s so funny how we see photos and we judge them based on that moment, not all the moments that led up to that very instant. The work and sweat put into the garment she made me, or the long ass flight I was on, and the bags under my eyes that I had to cover with concealer.

So, thank you Buno Designs for allowing this Detroit girl to be herself and adding inclusivity to your brand. I love my custom kimono (that I got to take home).

Yall, check them out. They have some dope pieces.

xoxo,

Leah V.