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Beauty and the Muse

  • #LeahVDaily
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 Photo:  Moon Reflections  +  Makeup:  Madinah M . 

Photo: Moon Reflections +  Makeup: Madinah M. 

 #LeahVDaily

#LeahVDaily is a social and fashion movement that began on Instagram.

It encompasses all the different facets of my style and ideas.

You'll see how I rock street style to vintage glam but this just isn't about beauty, every photo is paired with meaningful content about feminism, social justice, divorce, and body positive activism.   

You get a front row seat to my life's journey.

Pull up a chair...

--Leah V. Daily--

  • April 2018
    • Apr 24, 2018 Am I Not Muslim Enough For You?   Apr 24, 2018
    • Apr 10, 2018 Accepting My Body As It Is Apr 10, 2018
    • Apr 1, 2018 Just Dropping In :) Apr 1, 2018
  • March 2018
    • Mar 23, 2018 Fat, Black, and Carefree: NYC Video Project Mar 23, 2018
    • Mar 13, 2018 F is for Fat Mar 13, 2018
    • Mar 4, 2018 The Deletion of the Perfect Instagram Hijabi Mar 4, 2018
  • February 2018
    • Feb 20, 2018 BodyPROJECT: Turbanista in the City Feb 20, 2018
    • Feb 13, 2018 Muslim Women Are Trending, but Some of Us Are Still Invisible Feb 13, 2018
    • Feb 6, 2018 Blogging 101: Finding Your Niche, Building Content, and Tackling Instagram Feb 6, 2018
  • January 2018
    • Jan 26, 2018 Leah V Makeup Tutorial Jan 26, 2018
    • Jan 22, 2018 The Power of Transparency Jan 22, 2018
    • Jan 12, 2018 I Was Called a Whore Because of This Photo Jan 12, 2018
    • Jan 5, 2018 A REAL Beauty Campaign Jan 5, 2018
  • December 2017
    • Dec 26, 2017 Looking Back On 2017 Dec 26, 2017
    • Dec 18, 2017 Leah V on Feminism and the City of Detroit Dec 18, 2017
    • Dec 11, 2017 Dating in a Fatphobic World Dec 11, 2017
    • Dec 1, 2017 Reclaiming Time and Taking Up Space Dec 1, 2017
  • November 2017
    • Nov 24, 2017 Mistaking a Woman's Trauma as Bitterness Nov 24, 2017
    • Nov 17, 2017 The Muslimah Rebel: Why Quitting Ain't an Option Nov 17, 2017
    • Nov 8, 2017 My Photos Tell A Story Nov 8, 2017
    • Nov 1, 2017 Inclusion: The Perception of Perfection in Islam Nov 1, 2017
  • October 2017
    • Oct 23, 2017 On the Verge of Quitting Oct 23, 2017
    • Oct 13, 2017 Stop Calling Women Selfish Because They Choose Birth Control Oct 13, 2017
    • Oct 6, 2017 I'm LIVE! Art Detroit Ep 2 Oct 6, 2017
  • September 2017
    • Sep 29, 2017 When I Finally Noticed that My Uniqueness was an Asset Sep 29, 2017
    • Sep 22, 2017 The Pitfalls of Being on Social Media and Other Inadequacies Sep 22, 2017
    • Sep 15, 2017 The Broke Artist Sep 15, 2017
    • Sep 8, 2017 Muslim Girl Dance #BodyProject Sep 8, 2017
    • Sep 1, 2017 One-Year Divorce Anniversary Sep 1, 2017
  • August 2017
    • Aug 26, 2017 Visibility in Islam Aug 26, 2017
    • Aug 18, 2017 No Longer Bound By The Scale. How Much I Really Weigh. Aug 18, 2017
    • Aug 11, 2017 Why Can't We Be #BodyGoals? Aug 11, 2017
    • Aug 4, 2017 The Difference Between Religion and Spirituality Aug 4, 2017
  • July 2017
    • Jul 30, 2017 Why Does Female Empowerment Make You Uncomfortable? Jul 30, 2017
    • Jul 18, 2017 Leading the Resistance: Your Voice Counts Jul 18, 2017
    • Jul 8, 2017 Are You Even Muslim? Jul 8, 2017
    • Jul 3, 2017 First Times Can Be Charms, Too Jul 3, 2017
  • June 2017
    • Jun 26, 2017 The #BODYProject Trailer Jun 26, 2017
    • Jun 11, 2017 60-Second Turbanista Style Jun 11, 2017
    • Jun 4, 2017 Social Media: Stop Allowing it to Define Your Self-Worth Jun 4, 2017
  • May 2017
    • May 27, 2017 Battling Inner Demons May 27, 2017
    • May 22, 2017 10 Questions with Leah V and RV May 22, 2017
    • May 14, 2017 Boys Will Be Boys May 14, 2017
    • May 6, 2017 How Well Do You Know Your Muslim Friend? (Pt. 1) May 6, 2017
  • April 2017
    • Apr 29, 2017 Fan Questions Answered with Leah V. Apr 29, 2017
    • Apr 15, 2017 Do You Wish You Weren’t Fat? Apr 15, 2017
    • Apr 8, 2017 Thighs That Touch Apr 8, 2017
  • March 2017
    • Mar 24, 2017 Momentum: The Life of a Black Socialite Mar 24, 2017
    • Mar 20, 2017 Stop Policing a Woman's Body Mar 20, 2017
    • Mar 9, 2017 Detroit Girl in a London World Mar 9, 2017
  • February 2017
    • Feb 27, 2017 My Hijab. My Crown. My Way. Feb 27, 2017
    • Feb 23, 2017 Ghetto DIY Tumeric Face Mask Feb 23, 2017
    • Feb 7, 2017 The Non-Valentine’s Day Valentine’s Day Feb 7, 2017
  • January 2017
    • Jan 27, 2017 Feminism: I’m Not Your Stereotype Jan 27, 2017
    • Jan 17, 2017 Taking Back the True Meaning of Beauty Jan 17, 2017
    • Jan 6, 2017 Who Said Fat Girls Can’t Slay? Top 7 Outfits of 2016 Jan 6, 2017
  • December 2016
    • Dec 30, 2016 New Year, New Me? Dec 30, 2016
    • Dec 23, 2016 Vulnerability Doesn’t Mean Weakness Dec 23, 2016
    • Dec 17, 2016 How to Wrap a Pin Turban Dec 17, 2016
    • Dec 12, 2016 The Black Girl with Many Faces Dec 12, 2016
    • Dec 2, 2016 Beauty Review: Zahara Cosmetics Dec 2, 2016
  • November 2016
    • Nov 26, 2016 A Look Into How We View Mental Illness Nov 26, 2016
    • Nov 18, 2016 *New Youtube Video* Leah V. Gets a Brazilian Nov 18, 2016
    • Nov 14, 2016 This is What Real Body Positivity Looks Like Nov 14, 2016
    • Nov 5, 2016 Identity: I Wanted to be a White Girl Nov 5, 2016
  • October 2016
    • Oct 28, 2016 Upliftment Through Style: Detroit’s Body Positive Movement Oct 28, 2016
    • Oct 22, 2016 I’m Muslim, But I’m not the Poster Child for Islam Oct 22, 2016
    • Oct 14, 2016 Objectification Of A Fat Woman Oct 14, 2016
    • Oct 8, 2016 Style: First Time Wearing A Bisht Oct 8, 2016
  • September 2016
    • Sep 30, 2016 The ‘F’ Word: FAT Sep 30, 2016
    • Sep 23, 2016 Divorced and Almost 30... Where to Now? Sep 23, 2016
    • Sep 13, 2016 Body Image: How to Get Over It Sep 13, 2016
    • Sep 2, 2016 Why I Decided to Become a Plus-Size Model Sep 2, 2016
  • August 2016
    • Aug 26, 2016 I Used To Get Bullied For Dressing Different Aug 26, 2016
    • Aug 17, 2016 Confessions of a Content Fat Girl: Late 20’s Reflections Aug 17, 2016
    • Aug 7, 2016 I Posted a Picture in Front of the #BlackLivesMatter Wall and the Internet Went Crazy Aug 7, 2016
  • July 2016
    • Jul 26, 2016 Fat Girl Style Guide: Color Blocking Jul 26, 2016
    • Jul 19, 2016 Trois Soeurs: West African Accessories Jul 19, 2016
    • Jul 14, 2016 Diversity In YA Books: Brown Girls Need Heroines, Too! Jul 14, 2016
    • Jul 7, 2016 Naturally Flyy Detroit Jul 7, 2016
  • June 2016
    • Jun 30, 2016 Eid Glam: Tips on Finding the Perfect Eid Ensemble Jun 30, 2016
    • Jun 23, 2016 Ladies That Lead Tour Jun 23, 2016
    • Jun 15, 2016 Editor's Note: A Photo Doesn't Capture Our True Struggles Jun 15, 2016
    • Jun 11, 2016 Natural Makeup Tips For Girls With Melanin Jun 11, 2016
    • Jun 4, 2016 Father’s Day: Adding Unique Accessories to Your Wardrobe Jun 4, 2016
    • Jun 1, 2016 How to Rock a Plus-Size Tutu Like a Boss Jun 1, 2016
  • May 2016
    • May 22, 2016 Fat Girl Guide: Affordable Shopping May 22, 2016
    • May 16, 2016 The Selfie: What's So Wrong About Being Confident? May 16, 2016
    • May 7, 2016 Body Positivity: All Bodies Are Good Bodies May 7, 2016
    • May 3, 2016 Detroit's Style Butteryfly: Lala Trips May 3, 2016
  • April 2016
    • Apr 27, 2016 The Perfect Blogger: Tips on Breaking into the Blogging World Apr 27, 2016
    • Apr 20, 2016 Curvy OOTD: Spring Is Officially In Session Apr 20, 2016
    • Apr 11, 2016 Hollywood In Detroit Gala Apr 11, 2016
    • Apr 1, 2016 #BlackGirlMagic Apr 1, 2016
  • March 2016
    • Mar 25, 2016 Curvy Trend: Nicki Minaj Collection & Torrid Mar 25, 2016
    • Mar 21, 2016 Curvy Enthusiast: Alysse Dalessandro of Ready To Stare Mar 21, 2016
    • Mar 18, 2016 Daily Inspiration: What's Yours? Mar 18, 2016
    • Mar 14, 2016 TCF Style Brunch Series--Atlanta Mar 14, 2016
    • Mar 10, 2016 Turbanista Chornicles: Detroit Street Style Mar 10, 2016
    • Mar 6, 2016 Big Thanks: New Blogging Camera Mar 6, 2016
    • Mar 1, 2016 15 Diverse Bloggers You Need To Know Mar 1, 2016
  • February 2016
    • Feb 24, 2016 Evolution of a Black Blogger Feb 24, 2016
    • Feb 10, 2016 Curvy Conversations: Who Am I to the Fashion World? Feb 10, 2016
  • January 2016
    • Jan 31, 2016 Curvy Vintage Style Jan 31, 2016
A letter to my younger self. Why? Because she needed to hear this:
My name is Leah V, your older Leo sister. I want to tell you that you are absolutely enough, even though no one tells you. That your father doesn’t hate you, but that hurt people hurt people. 
You keep your head buried in books because you wish to be someone else so badly. But, one day you’ll have people wanting to be like you. 
You don’t talk much, but when you do, people think your weird. So, you keep those thoughts to yourself out of fear of judgement. But, one day you’ll be coveted for your words and your voice. 
When you look in the mirror, all you see is ugliness. You compare your body to white models. But, you will become a beacon for beauty not only inside but out, becoming a model yourself. 
You will sit in a jail cell. Be hurt by a man in ways you’ll never know. You’ll hit rock bottom. 
But, you will fall 100 times and get back up 101 times more. You’ll speak at Stanford and Columbia. Model for Adidas and Refinery 29. You’ll be featured in Marie Claire, Elle, Buzzfeed, CBS, New York Times, HuffPost, and so many others that you can’t even remember. 
You will come for everything they said you couldn’t. 
What do you wish you could tell your younger self? And, yes, I’m in my feelings today 🙏🏾 Let’s chat. 
Photo: @volup2 Location: Paris, France (2017) MUA: @janetdoman 
#detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #minimalista #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #parisphotographer #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia #editorial #highfashion #paris
A letter to my younger self. Why? Because she needed to hear this: My name is Leah V, your older Leo sister. I want to tell you that you are absolutely enough, even though no one tells you. That your father doesn’t hate you, but that hurt people hurt people. You keep your head buried in books because you wish to be someone else so badly. But, one day you’ll have people wanting to be like you. You don’t talk much, but when you do, people think your weird. So, you keep those thoughts to yourself out of fear of judgement. But, one day you’ll be coveted for your words and your voice. When you look in the mirror, all you see is ugliness. You compare your body to white models. But, you will become a beacon for beauty not only inside but out, becoming a model yourself. You will sit in a jail cell. Be hurt by a man in ways you’ll never know. You’ll hit rock bottom. But, you will fall 100 times and get back up 101 times more. You’ll speak at Stanford and Columbia. Model for Adidas and Refinery 29. You’ll be featured in Marie Claire, Elle, Buzzfeed, CBS, New York Times, HuffPost, and so many others that you can’t even remember. You will come for everything they said you couldn’t. What do you wish you could tell your younger self? And, yes, I’m in my feelings today 🙏🏾 Let’s chat. Photo: @volup2 Location: Paris, France (2017) MUA: @janetdoman #detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #minimalista #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #parisphotographer #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia #editorial #highfashion #paris
This industry is so shallow, that I find myself wondering why I remain in it. Even though, I’m still on the sidelines and not at all a top tier, get flown out to Coachella or BeautyCon level influencer. 
Why is it when one voice is elevated another has to be silenced? Why does one always have to cancel out the other? 
I’m noticing, especially in the beauty/fashion and blogging industry, that only certain voices are elevated. Fat white women or bi-racial (light skin/curly hair) with the ‘right kind of plus size body’ are being pushed more so than Black or dark-skinned individuals. More so than individuals who don’t have the ‘Hour-Glass’ figure. 
You cannot call yourself body-positive if you don’t ELEVATE and CELEBRATE ALL BODIES. You cannot call yourself a feminist if you don’t consider ALL WOMEN’S RIGHTS. You cannot claim that your company is ‘cutting-edge’ if you ain’t willing to cut them edges and think outside the box. 
Sometimes, I’d like to resign. Because it seems like a lot of us are chasing our own tails. That the media is just too big for us to tackle begging for equality. And that instead of trying to get a seat at the table, I build my own damn table and my own chair and sit at the head of that bih 💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽
Do you think body positivity is a trend/fad? Do you notice in body-pos or ‘all body’ campaigns that they erase dark-skin and black individuals? Is the industry too shallow? Let’s chat. 
Photo: @_erriiicccc_ 
Location: Southwest Detroit
#detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #blackmuslimahexcellence #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #rainbowstyle #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia #coachella
This industry is so shallow, that I find myself wondering why I remain in it. Even though, I’m still on the sidelines and not at all a top tier, get flown out to Coachella or BeautyCon level influencer. Why is it when one voice is elevated another has to be silenced? Why does one always have to cancel out the other? I’m noticing, especially in the beauty/fashion and blogging industry, that only certain voices are elevated. Fat white women or bi-racial (light skin/curly hair) with the ‘right kind of plus size body’ are being pushed more so than Black or dark-skinned individuals. More so than individuals who don’t have the ‘Hour-Glass’ figure. You cannot call yourself body-positive if you don’t ELEVATE and CELEBRATE ALL BODIES. You cannot call yourself a feminist if you don’t consider ALL WOMEN’S RIGHTS. You cannot claim that your company is ‘cutting-edge’ if you ain’t willing to cut them edges and think outside the box. Sometimes, I’d like to resign. Because it seems like a lot of us are chasing our own tails. That the media is just too big for us to tackle begging for equality. And that instead of trying to get a seat at the table, I build my own damn table and my own chair and sit at the head of that bih 💅🏽💅🏽💅🏽 Do you think body positivity is a trend/fad? Do you notice in body-pos or ‘all body’ campaigns that they erase dark-skin and black individuals? Is the industry too shallow? Let’s chat. Photo: @_erriiicccc_ Location: Southwest Detroit #detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #blackmuslimahexcellence #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #rainbowstyle #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia #coachella
Stop saying I’m sorry when speaking your truth. Stop asking for permission to be yourself. Permission to exist unapologetically. 
You. Do. NOT owe anyone an explanation. Of anything. Sexuality. Religion. Culture. Nothin! I’m kinda getting tired of people feeling entitled to know the why’s of my body. My beliefs. My everything. Just because I’m online doesn’t give you that right. 
People don’t have the right to touch in your hair, ask you if you’re Muslim, inquire about your political views, whether your pro-choice or not. How much you weigh, how many partners you’ve had, if you’re a thot today and a not tomorrow 😂
I’m gonna post the ugliness because I wanna make a point and I want y’all to see what I’m talking about 🤦🏿‍♂️
I don’t have to ask permission to wear as much makeup as a drag queen. Not wear hijab if I don’t want to. I can go to McDonald’s and order two of everything and FB live that shit without your permission and be fat af 🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️ Has someone ever demanded something you didn’t want to give? What are you no longer asking for permission of? Let’s chat. We gonna have a good conversation Ta-DAY! 
Photo: @distortedfx 
Location: The Dean Hotel (Rhode Island)
#detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #abaya #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #blackmuslimahexcellence #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #noh8 #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia #coachella #monochrome
Stop saying I’m sorry when speaking your truth. Stop asking for permission to be yourself. Permission to exist unapologetically. You. Do. NOT owe anyone an explanation. Of anything. Sexuality. Religion. Culture. Nothin! I’m kinda getting tired of people feeling entitled to know the why’s of my body. My beliefs. My everything. Just because I’m online doesn’t give you that right. People don’t have the right to touch in your hair, ask you if you’re Muslim, inquire about your political views, whether your pro-choice or not. How much you weigh, how many partners you’ve had, if you’re a thot today and a not tomorrow 😂 I’m gonna post the ugliness because I wanna make a point and I want y’all to see what I’m talking about 🤦🏿‍♂️ I don’t have to ask permission to wear as much makeup as a drag queen. Not wear hijab if I don’t want to. I can go to McDonald’s and order two of everything and FB live that shit without your permission and be fat af 🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️ Has someone ever demanded something you didn’t want to give? What are you no longer asking for permission of? Let’s chat. We gonna have a good conversation Ta-DAY! Photo: @distortedfx Location: The Dean Hotel (Rhode Island) #detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #abaya #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #blackmuslimahexcellence #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #noh8 #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia #coachella #monochrome
I find it baffling that the majority of body-shaming/fat-shaming comments come from other women. 
It’s been beaten into our very nature to see other women as competition, to feel smaller when another girl wins, to say she’s a bitch cuz she’s feeling herself. 
So, because I’m bigger I don’t have the right to be beautiful? 
I remember when I first started blogging and I’ll never forget when a thinner girl said to me, “Oh, wow. You dress really nice for a bigger girl.” Le sigh. 
Fat👏🏾Does👏🏾Not👏🏾Mean👏🏾Ugly👏🏾 Many people are uncomfortable that I’m comfortable with my body. They are uncomfortable when I call myself fat. I’m here to tell you to get over it. Because you’re not comfortable with your body so now you’re projecting your insecurities on to me in the form of hate 💅🏽
But, what people like that fail to understand is that I’ve already decided that hating my body wasn’t serving my higher purpose. And, no matter how many names you call me, how many fat accounts you troll, I’m still not gonna stop posting bomb ass photos of my fat, Black, and Muslim body 💁🏾
Does your body confidence make other people mad or uncomfortable? Do people project their insecurities on you? Let’s chat.
Photo/MUA: @being_madinah 
Abaya: @themodestycollective (Devotion Abaya) *Code: LEAHV15 for 15% of your order 🤸🏾‍♀️*
#detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #abaya #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #blackmuslimahexcellence #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #hijab #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia #coachella
I find it baffling that the majority of body-shaming/fat-shaming comments come from other women. It’s been beaten into our very nature to see other women as competition, to feel smaller when another girl wins, to say she’s a bitch cuz she’s feeling herself. So, because I’m bigger I don’t have the right to be beautiful? I remember when I first started blogging and I’ll never forget when a thinner girl said to me, “Oh, wow. You dress really nice for a bigger girl.” Le sigh. Fat👏🏾Does👏🏾Not👏🏾Mean👏🏾Ugly👏🏾 Many people are uncomfortable that I’m comfortable with my body. They are uncomfortable when I call myself fat. I’m here to tell you to get over it. Because you’re not comfortable with your body so now you’re projecting your insecurities on to me in the form of hate 💅🏽 But, what people like that fail to understand is that I’ve already decided that hating my body wasn’t serving my higher purpose. And, no matter how many names you call me, how many fat accounts you troll, I’m still not gonna stop posting bomb ass photos of my fat, Black, and Muslim body 💁🏾 Does your body confidence make other people mad or uncomfortable? Do people project their insecurities on you? Let’s chat. Photo/MUA: @being_madinah Abaya: @themodestycollective (Devotion Abaya) *Code: LEAHV15 for 15% of your order 🤸🏾‍♀️* #detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #abaya #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #blackmuslimahexcellence #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #hijab #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia #coachella
I never knew what it was like to actually be seen because I was so used to being hidden.
Pull your shirt down to cover your butt, cross your legs and sit like a lady, don’t speak too loud, always smile. You should wear that. Do this. Overlook that. Don’t go there because no one goes there. Black folks don’t do that. Muslims shouldn’t do that. Fat girls definitely can’t...
Yesterday, a friend had to get me together. And tell me that the things I’ve done. Taking something so shallow and saturated as fashion blogging and creating an actual platform around these huge and taboo topics. Taking it from being local to national and international, being flown out to give scholarly speeches at top universities. 
I had to pause and be like damn. I did do that. I did those things while maintaining my Fat-ness, my Blackness, and my Muslim-ness 🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️
But, my work isn’t done. I see certain groups still being hidden in the media. Particularly the dark-skinned and Black narrative not only in mainstream media but in the Islamic community. 
I’m gonna keep saying this until I’m blue in the face. 👏🏾Black👏🏾Muslims👏🏾Exist👏🏾 Dark👏🏾Skinned👏🏾Muslims👏🏾Exist👏🏾 Stop white-washing everything. I’m sick of only seeing straight-sized white-passing Muslims being promoted as the face of Islam. 
Stop belittling our experiences. Stop only promoting South Asian and Middle-Eastern experiences as the ONLY Muslim narrative. 
Have you ever experienced colorism/racism in your Islamic community? And, if you’re not Muslim, have you ever experienced colorism? Let’s chat. 
Photo/MUA: @makeup_by_madinah
Fit: @fashionnovacurve 
Booties: @eloquii 
#detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #blackmuslimahexcellence #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #novababe #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia
I never knew what it was like to actually be seen because I was so used to being hidden. Pull your shirt down to cover your butt, cross your legs and sit like a lady, don’t speak too loud, always smile. You should wear that. Do this. Overlook that. Don’t go there because no one goes there. Black folks don’t do that. Muslims shouldn’t do that. Fat girls definitely can’t... Yesterday, a friend had to get me together. And tell me that the things I’ve done. Taking something so shallow and saturated as fashion blogging and creating an actual platform around these huge and taboo topics. Taking it from being local to national and international, being flown out to give scholarly speeches at top universities. I had to pause and be like damn. I did do that. I did those things while maintaining my Fat-ness, my Blackness, and my Muslim-ness 🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️🤸🏾‍♀️ But, my work isn’t done. I see certain groups still being hidden in the media. Particularly the dark-skinned and Black narrative not only in mainstream media but in the Islamic community. I’m gonna keep saying this until I’m blue in the face. 👏🏾Black👏🏾Muslims👏🏾Exist👏🏾 Dark👏🏾Skinned👏🏾Muslims👏🏾Exist👏🏾 Stop white-washing everything. I’m sick of only seeing straight-sized white-passing Muslims being promoted as the face of Islam. Stop belittling our experiences. Stop only promoting South Asian and Middle-Eastern experiences as the ONLY Muslim narrative. Have you ever experienced colorism/racism in your Islamic community? And, if you’re not Muslim, have you ever experienced colorism? Let’s chat. Photo/MUA: @makeup_by_madinah Fit: @fashionnovacurve Booties: @eloquii #detroitblogger #psootd #plussize #instafashion #bodypositive #bgki #effyourbeautystandards #pizzasisters4lyfe #blackgirlswhoblog #londonblogger #psfashion #blackgirlmagic #muslimgirl #streetstyle #plusmodel #feminist #plussizemodel #fatacceptance #selflove #blackmuslimahexcellence #psootd #seventeen #californiablogger #turbanista #novababe #honormycurves #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodydysmorphia

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 Photos Courtesy of  Remy Roman

Photos Courtesy of Remy Roman

Battling Inner Demons

May 27, 2017

I wrote this on May 23rd on my Instagram account: He told me when we decided to get divorced that I couldn't take care of myself. That I'd see how hard it was without him. At first, I thought I could do it by myself. But recently, I've started to believe it. Believe him.

I don't make any money blogging, despite what my feed showcases. Oh, how betraying the internet can be. Fake it till you make it, right? I'm a struggling artist. Have been for a while now. Waiting for my big break like the rest of them. Trying to maintain an indie blog talking about real shit like social justice and feminism isn't what businesses want. They want the fake Instagram bloggers. Which is fine. I've made my bed and I'll lie in it.

What really irked me today was that I have about one month's worth of savings left and have been searching for jobs for the last two months. I have two masters, but I'm still unemployed. On the verge of partial homelessness, I sat in the car and thought about life real hard. How the fuck am I divorced, jobless, and highly educated at 30 🤔 Tears filled me eyes and I thought back to my ex: You can't take care of yourself without me... You know how life just beats your ass and your left stunned? That's me right now. Wondering what's next. How my story ends. Begins. I wish someone had the answers for me. Just tell me what to do. Ya know? Do y'all feel me though?

  Henna Designs by Noor

Henna Designs by Noor

At this point, I was fed up with life. I was cooked and overdone. I wanted people to stop looking at me like some kind of special person and see me for who I really was. An overly educated black girl with no parents, divorced, and no job. A fat girl with mental illness. Someone who floated around with no direction. Yup, that was me. Is me. Still me right now.  

I was sitting in the car on that sunny day, looking at my depleting bank account. Checking my emails to see if any of the 100-plus low-grade jobs that I was clearly overqualified for had sent me a message back. Nothin’. I’d had one interview a few weeks ago, but that was unsure. She was still ‘fleshing out the details of the position’. Unfortunately, my bills or rent hadn’t cared about the details. They needed to be paid. My uninsured body hadn’t cared about the details. It needed annual checkups now. My hopes and dreams hadn’t cared the fuck about the details. They needed nourishment and funding now!

As I always do, I lost my marbles. The strain of not having a family to support, help with anything weighed on me like a slab of marble. The embarrassment of having to apply for food stamps, walking into the unemployment office for ‘job assistance’, and making an appointment with a volunteer healthcare agency weighed heavily on my chest, my ribs as to where I couldn’t breathe. 

Then I remembered what my ex told me as we were getting a divorce: you can’t take care of yourself without me. You’ll see how hard it is out there.

Was he right? Had I been to overly-confident about my abilities to maintain a job and pay my own bills? I mean, to the naked eye, it seems as though I have it all. Seems as though I have the ability to take over the world. My face is beat and my outfits are amazing. I have a following. People love me. I’m the fat, black girl who’s supposed to change the fashion game. It doesn’t appear that I’m on the brink of not being able to pay my rent, or put gas in my car or food in my stomach.

The internet isn’t real. It has real moments, but it isn’t real.

I’m struggling to stay afloat. That’s the truth. I have one month’s worth of savings left. That’s the truth. I have no plan of how I’m going to do any of this. Truth. Two credit cards. Almost maxed out. TRUTH.

I’m ashamed to admit that. To say it out of my mouth. I have two fuckin’ master’s degrees and some work experience, yet I’m treated in the work world like I only have a 9th grade education. 

Same day while drinking a slushee, I burst out crying in the front of my friend’s house. In the car. Alone. I hate when people see me cry. I know. I’m weird.

As a black woman, we pride ourselves in maintaining this strong persona. We can’t let them see us weak. We can’t ask for help. Don’t let them see you down.

As a writer, I pride myself in being transparent. It’s how I built the foundation that I do have. I like sharing intimate moments with people. Especially people who get it. People who want real and appreciate that life isn’t snapshots of Instagram posts, but broken-down cars, and fucbois, and weight-gain, and bad ass kids.

Ain’t nobody perfect. Whether their profile says it or not. I don’t care how many filters they place on their selfies.

After, I posted my cry for help, people started to reach out in droves. I crocodile cried again. Y’all know that ugly ass frog-face cry? Yep, that was me.

My inbox blew up with people wanting me to know to not listen to my ex or my inner demon. People that were Muslim talked about patience. People who weren’t Muslim talked about hope and faith. A few individuals even asked for my PayPal info. I told them to hold off a few weeks (cuz ya never know, maybe a job or two would call me back). A few didn’t care and sent money anyway. *Inserts Frog-Face Tears*

I was so overwhelmed by the love. The hundreds of comments and likes. Strangers from different states offering to speak with the HR at their jobs and that they’d even put me up in a room if need be. It’s more than I’ve even gotten from my own blood relatives that see me struggle every day. Women shared similar ‘struggle-bus’ stories of when they got divorced, had their dignity stripped, and was now starting over. From scratch.

My heart swelled. And if you know me, I’m not an emotional person. Well, I try not to show it. But these strangers, these followers rejuvenated me at a time that I needed upliftment, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. They say that I was the one who gave them life on a daily basis. I believe it’s the other way around.

It’s Ramadan. It’s the first day. I’m writing this with a hunger migraine. I’m cranky. And my day has been filled with filling out job apps and researching crowdfunding sites so that I can continue to write, be an artist, I guess.

One thing I learned today was to be humble, be grateful for the things you have, and never lose hope. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for me? Maybe I won’t be broke for long. It’s up to me to have hope and keep grinding and be better in this life and for the sake of the hereafter.

 

Xoxo,

 

Leah V.   

Tags: Leah Vernon, Beauty and the Muse, #LeahVDaily, Mental Illness, Mental Illness in the Black Community, Muslim Mental Illness, Remy Roman, Detroit Photography, Detroit Street Style, Detroit Writer, Detroit Blogger, Detroit artist, plus size blogger in detroit, Plus size fashion blogger, Plus Size in Indonesia, Plus Size LA blogger, Plus Size New York Blogger, Plus Size Fashion, Midwest Bloggers, Black girls who blog, Black Girl Style, Fashion, Style, Turbanista, Turban Tutorial, Plus Size Model, Plus Size Clothing Detroit, Body Positive Detroit, Body positive, Effyoubeautystandards, Muslim Girl, Muslim Girl Style, Muslim Girl Style London, London Street Style, New York Street Style, Black Muslims in America, Black Muslimah, Black Feminist, Detroit photography, Henna, Henna Ideas, Jagua Henna, Japanese Beyonce, Fat Girls in Japan, Fat Shaming, Body Acceptance
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