Feminism: I’m Not Your Stereotype

Although, I’m not political, recent events have had some of my close friends and I in a tiff. Before the whole Trump fiasco, women’s rights have always been under attack and governed by individuals who have never been cat-called to the point of annoyance, followed around in a club because they wouldn’t provide them digits, never had cramps that twisted their insides so badly that they basically died, or had a full-on human being claw its way out of their va jay jay.  

Men making certain decisions for women is like my black, Muslim ass applying for the pope’s position in the Vatican.

It ain’t gonna work.

Now, if I were a rich and powerful douchebag with no decency, I could apply, get the job, and slowly but surely begin to fuck stuff up. But then as a human being, why would I want to create life issues for another sect of people?

It’s a man’s world. *Ahem* Sorry. It’s a white man’s world. Nope. A rich white man who probably is straight and Christian’s world. I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t want someone like that making decisions about my reproductive health.

We are in dire need of a more diverse panel. Sorry not sorry.

And this isn’t a bash white people post. This is a bash-all-men-and-women-who-support-unequal-systems-put-in-place-by-the-powers-that-be post.

Feminism. The word most men cringe when they hear. I’ve gotten soooo much bullshit for saying I’m a feminist, especially because I’m Muslim. That makes it three times worst.

I was on a date with this African guy. Topic: dynamics between men and women. I like a good debate once in a while.

“You sound like a feminist,” he said.    

“I am a feminist,” I replied.

His brows raised. But he hadn’t said anything else.

After a few seconds of silence. I countered, “I’m a humanist.”

He offered a sigh of relief. “That’s a better answer.”

WTF. Needless to say, he got dumped.

I was chatting with this white non-Muslim guy. “That’s great that you’re Muslim and a feminist. It’s just so sad how they oppress their women.”

After I schooled him about how ‘men’ in general oppress women, he got dropped like a hot sack of shit.

The last straw was another guy who said, “I mean, I get feminism, but they just hate men and they take stuff too far, ya know?”

No, I don’t know. BYEEEEEE!

Not only do non-Muslims have stigmas attached to feminism but Muslims do as well. Bad. I’ve heard Muslim men and women say that feminism isn’t Islamic. Pump the breaks. Equality isn’t Islam? Oppression isn’t spoken about as something that is wrong in Islam?

Feminism doesn’t mean hatred of men. Feminism isn’t just for lesbians. Feminism doesn’t only equate to showing your tits, growing your underarm hair, or being white. Of course, there are extreme feminists out there who may or may not fit those above stereotypes, but to each its own. You can be Muslim and feminist. I am. And I know others who are, too. And it doesn’t compromise my Islam, it actually makes it stronger.  

Being a feminist means that you want the right to be who you want to be, whether that’s Muslim or atheist or Jew. It means the right to make equal pay as a man or a white woman, to have a say-so over what happens to your body, whether that’s abortion or having multiple children. It’s not about being right or wrong. Or good or evil. We have a God given right to make decisions for ourselves. That’s not too much to ask.  

Leah V. 

Beauty Review: Zahara Cosmetics

So, this week were going to get a little light-hearted. Last week, I bogged you guys down as well as educated you about mental illness and this time were talking about makeup???

On my blog, you never know what you’re going to get.

Zahara Cosmetics (located in Malaysia) sent me a nice little package filled with eyeliner, nail polish, matte lippies (oh, yes!), and eyeshadow pallets. It took about two weeks to get all the way over the sea and to my doorstep, but I was excited to try out the products.

As consumers, we are bombarded with tons of cosmetic companies telling us that we ‘need’ ABC product. When I link up with someone or tell them that I’ll write a review for their product there’s gotta be something that makes them standout. What makes Zahara Cosmetics any different? Well, I’m not a spokesperson for this brand, but let’s start with the nail polish. The polish is water-permeable and the formula allows oxygen to pass through to the bed of your nail. So, if you happen to be Muslim it is ‘wudu’ friendly. Also, Zahara’s polish doesn’t contain the five main harsh chemicals that other popular nail polishes have. They also have a ‘small business’ feel, which is cool.

Polish: I used the polish (Lovender) for my Tribal-Inspired shoot. And it glided on easy, dried fast, and I actually didn’t need the 2nd coat. It lasts about as long as other polishes on the market.

EyeLiner: I have very sensitive eyes. So the liner didn’t bother my waterline and it glided on smoothly.

Matte Lippe: I’ve tried all kinds of lipsticks, especially the cream mattes, so I know a thing or two. I’m wearing ‘Mystery’. So, the lippie glides on great. And the coverage is very good. No thinning like Colourpop or some of Kat Von D’s lip line. When it dries, it does gets a little gritty. I suggest exfoliating your lips before application. I’d say the lippie is far from Colourpop but slightly underneath Anastasia Beverley Hills in quality. There is minimal transfer as well.

Eyeshadow Pallets: I used the ‘Fifth Avenue Pallet’. Overall, the coverage was pretty good. The only complaint that my MUA had was that all the colors were very ‘shimmery’ and she wished that they had a few mattes available in the set of four.

Overall, I enjoyed the products, especially the lip colors.

You guys check out Zahara Cosmetics and let me know what you think.

Model + Stylist: Leah V.

xoxo

Leah V.

Style: First Time Wearing A Bisht

In Westernized fashion, they tend to believe that the clothes must accentuate the female body, hug her curves delicately. And of course, I thought the same way. If it didn’t have a shape, then I wasn’t touching it. I was already plus-size; I’d look like a garbage bag for sure.

Since I became a style blogger, I’ve been a lot more ‘out there’ with my fashion choices. I like to up the risk and try new things. Also, I’m waaaaay more comfortable with my body now, so anything goes!

It was the last week in Ramadan. My friends from Yemen invited us to a feast fit for a king, and to top it off, they had the hookahs in rotation. I thought that the night couldn’t get any better. One of the Yemini women had a wide set of hips, small waist, and petite chest. Similar to my body type. Between puffs of smoke, we chatted about shopping and how hard it was to find fashionable items for us ‘hippy’ gals.

Her eyes widened. “I have something for you,” she said and disappeared into the back room.

She brought out a black and gold embroidered bisht. It’s like an oversized abaya. I’m not sure where it’s origins are in the Middle East but trying it on felt like I had instantly turned into Arab royalty. I paraded around her living room, gushing about how beautiful it was. I finally took it off and placed it back on the hanger. I handed it to her.

She put her hand up and shook her head. “It’s yours.”

I died.

A happy yet fashionable death.

Xoxo

Leah V.

Divorced and Almost 30... Where to Now?

I got married young. Well, not too young. I had just turned 20, and I thought I had all the answers. Me then versus me almost 10 years later…oh, boy. What a difference.

A lot of maturing and growth occurred between now and then. And for that, I’m grateful.

If you had only seen the immature Facebook rants and friendship drama I was involved in. Ugh. Very embarrassing.

But that’s all in the past now.

See, at this point, I have bigger fish to fry.

I had just turned 29 — and divorce happened.

No matter how we view the unfortunate and fortunate events in our lives, everything happens for a reason. I believe it. This is more of a personal self-discovery piece.

Hmm… *Shifts eyes back and forth*

Before we dig in, this is not a “bash” essay or a “woulda, coulda, shoulda if I had only known” essay.

No matter how we view the unfortunate and fortunate events in our lives, everything happens for a reason. I believe it. This is more of a personal self-discovery piece — the thoughts and questions on the aftereffects of an Islamic divorce that’s on everyone’s minds, but no one dares to utter out loud.

No matter what issues I had in my marriage, I never, ever thought we’d end up divorcing. I mean, after eight years of matrimony, I thought that was it. Right?

Wrong. Very, very wrong.

We’ve all sat around the table listening to our friends talk about their marriages — the good and the bad — but we never realistically put ourselves in their shoes when it came to the big one, divorce.

We can’t control outcomes; we can only control how we deal with said outcomes.

“What if your husband did that? Would you leave him?”

“What if you just wanted to move on? What exactly would happen next?”

I was that person. For some reason, I thought I was exempt from the “D” word — that if I did A, B, and C, then it would make it all better, and everything would automatically work out.

What I failed to understand was that people change, and we have absolutely zero control over it. The only person I was in charge of was my own self. And no matter what I did, it wasn’t going to change the outcome.

Sometimes in life, we have the tendency to think that just because we do A, then B should inevitably come next. We can’t control outcomes; we can only control how we deal with said outcomes. And this isn’t just for marriage, but friendships, jobs, health, etc.

Another thing about being Muslim and getting divorced is how we perceive it as the “End-All, Be-All” for the woman. Sister such and such is getting divorced. Who will marry her now? Will she uncover? How will she support herself? Will she date? It was probably her fault anyway. If she had only done what she was supposed to do, then divorce wouldn’t have happened.

Unfortunately, there is a stigma attached to an Islamic divorce. And usually, somehow, it becomes the female’s fault. Bullshit. Marriage is a two-way street. If you are divorced or going through one, don’t ever let anyone bait you into believing it was all your fault.

The interesting thing was — when I was going through this divorce, everyone kind of became relationship gurus. LOL. This is fine for the people who either went through it or just gave good advice, but others? Not so much.

Here’s a bit of advice. No one knows your spouse like you do or did, so keep that in mind when seeking consultation from others.

There is a stigma attached to an Islamic divorce. And usually, somehow, it becomes the female’s fault. Bullshit. Marriage is a two-way street. If you are divorced or going through one, don’t ever let anyone bait you into believing it was all your fault.

During my divorce period, I was asked to write about my experience. I thought it was too soon to talk about it. I didn’t want to come off as the bitter, Black, Muslim writer. So I held off. I planned on writing a few pieces when everything was finalized and when I was in a little bit of a better place.

A few people encouraged me not to reveal my divorce publicly because of the backlash I’d receive from the community (Oh, yes. It happens). The dreaded questions about what happened — and the sad, droopy faces and awww’s.

I’m not going to lie. In the beginning, I was very ashamed of the divorce. I felt like it was tattooed on my forehead. Everyone in the community knew my dirty laundry. It was etched into stone and followed me around like a dark cloud with lightning thundering around it. I felt exposed and basically like a failure.

Divorced. Divorcée? DIVORCED!

That word became me. And I was it.

But then, I got to thinking about life in general. A bit of a reflection. I thought about all the positive things I’d accomplished during the marriage. And all the things that I still planned on accomplishing after it. I figured out very quickly that I was still the same writer, blogger, sister, and friend that I was before… just without the other half and a ton more bills. Haha!

I’m not going to lie. In the beginning, I was very ashamed of the divorce. I felt like it was tattooed on my forehead. Everyone in the community knew my dirty laundry.

Then the question arose, why should I be ashamed of my divorce?

I share a lot with you guys already. Plus, this is a major milestone — one that many of us have either experienced or will experience (I hope not, though!). How many women have been through the same thing, doubting themselves through a divorce? Thinking much less of themselves? Wondering what’s next for them?

I feel like, through my life stories and gift of gab, I have a duty to share and teach. Trust me when I tell you that I’m not in the running for “Divorcée of the Year,” but I’m still growing and learning through this process, and I’d like other girls and women to do the same.

We aren’t these empty human shells. We have emotions and we go through divorces. It’s not a death sentence. It’s not the end for you. Or me.

I feel, as women, we should be able to talk about these deep, risqué issues that plague us every day.

As a Muslim, sometimes a lot of topics are hush-hush, but how is that really helping? By being quiet and not sharing vital information, how is that going to elevate us as a whole, as a community of badass chicks?

I guess I’m kind of a rebel when it comes to these things.

But it’s time to break out of this mold that we, as Muslim women, have created and allowed society to keep hold of. We aren’t these empty human shells. We have emotions and we go through divorces.

It’s not a death sentence.

It’s not the end for you. Or me.

There is so much more to the world than the small label of divorcée.

—

xoxo,

Leah V. (@Lvernon2000)

Body Image: How to Get Over It

You can’t. Not ever fully.

Life is full of ups and downs when it comes to how we, as women, perceive ourselves.

The most bomb-looking girl has body image issues. Whether she divulges it or not.

And a lot of people won’t.

We keep our “problem” areas to ourselves. So we don’t look weak. Dumb. Low self-esteem. Whatever.

Photo: Lil Miss JB Style

I’m a body positive style blogger. If you look at my Instagram you’ll see my face beat, ensembles on point, and turbans wrapped to perfection.

To the naked eye, I look like I have it going on! Not one worry in my little world of fabulosity.

What people didn’t see was that a few days ago, I had a breakdown. And thought I was the ugliest thing to ever walk the earth.

Today, I’m back on track. A little.

But this week has been tough for my own body image. Self-esteem. Morale. Etc.

Next week will probably be much better, Insh’allah.

And this is OK!

Tulle Skirt: Society + (Purchase Here)

The problem with society is that they believe that girls, women should be confident, at the top of their games, and oh-so-perfect at all times.

Unrealistic.

We are hairy. We burp. We hate our bodies. We love our bodies. We cover them. Some of us don’t. We love. We shout. And some of us are more of a man than an actual man. LOL.

Body image is how we view ourselves regularly.

And sometimes, they can be totally extreme.

But I just want you to know that however you view yourself is OK.

You are allowed to just BE.

Photo: Lil Miss JB Style

I will leave you with one thing, because I’m feeling extremely 70’s hippy right now.

You are gorgeous. You’re smart. And you have a wonderful smile that illuminates even the darkest of nights.

I want you to find something you adore about yourself. Then say it out loud. At least three times. And mean it! Then I want you to find something you love about another girl and tell her, out loud!

XOXO

Leah V.

Confessions of a Content Fat Girl: Late 20’s Reflections

*Covers face* I’ve totally neglected my blog for the past few weeks. I’M SORRY. No, I really am. It’s almost midnight and here I am blogging. Today has been super humid, I’ve been groggy, and I’m looking for a new place. Packing. Throwing away crap I don’t need. And selling the rest. Ugggh!

I hope you guys understand. Life has been a loop but amazing nonetheless. And guess what else? My birthday was a few days ago. #LeoSeason. I plan on doing something fun and chill this weekend. So turn up!

I turned the big 2.9. Yes, I’m a year away from 30. Sounds weird to say. I’m lucky though, blessed, whatever you want to call it. Some people didn’t and don’t make it to or past that age.

But all this ‘growing’ up has me to thinking… You guys know, I’m an over thinker. A DEEP thinker. I like to reflect on what I’ve learned this year, what failures and accomplishments I’ve made, and to share what I hope to achieve in the future. My main goal is to reach you. I want you to learn something from my experiences. Maybe it’ll make your situation better, same, hell, maybe even worse (I certainly hope not). But I want you to take something from this.

Shades: Forever21 + Necklace: Charming Charlies + Shirt: Avenue + Denim Vest: Burlington + Skirt: Society +

Although major changes have occurred, I’m a content fat girl. I’ve never been so at peace despite the chaos going on. It’s really shocking to me that I’ve grown so much that certain things that used to bother the hell out of me don’t even penetrate my shields. And that very fact, I’m proud of. I never thought I’d actually be the ‘Bigger Person’. I mean I’m still petty, haha, but for the most part, I literally swerve any stupidity, bad-mouthing, and non-productive situation that arises.

What I learned this year? Let that shit go. You have choices. You don’t have to partake in anything that you’re uncomfortable with. You are allowed to say ‘NO’.

I’m telling you that it’s a freeing experience.

Skirt: Society +

Perseverance, but remember to take it step by step. I’ve learned to slow it down sometimes, yet still keep it moving steady. As women (and men), we put a lot on our plate. It’s ok to not do something at that very moment. What’s the worst that can happen? Is it life or death? If not, be fluid and allow yourself to breathe and reflect. There’s nothing wrong with taking a moment to reevaluate and then tackle a problem. Even Superwomen needs to rewind.

And the biggest thing I learned and relearn every day is the importance of the company you keep. I can’t stress this enough… We have internet trolls, family members, besties, managers, and randoms constantly reaffirming our fears. You need people around you that will dream as you do. Because dreams are important. I always had people tell me to take my head out of the clouds and come back to reality. I believed them, and I was miserable. I liked dreaming! When I figured out that they were trying to mold and shape my outlook on the world and of myself then I had to start cutting and blocking people from my circle.

Then I started adding people whose energies were supportive and genuine and good. This change caused me to explore more, fear less, and dream as I had done before.  

I thought this was the cutest thing. He wanted to get in on the OOTD action.   

In retrospect, I’ve accomplished more than I ever dreamed I could. Again, I don’t get paid to blog. I make very little money modeling, and I just launched a self-published book mostly on credit card so I’m in the hole. But even with all that, I’m surrounded by people who are ok with going out for cheap food, that can make me laugh until I pee myself, and who add zest to my world.

Money is great. Being married is great. Being attractive is great. But experiences last a lifetime. That’s my goal for the rest of this year and my remaining years. To Experience life and what it has to offer. And I hope you do, too.

xo

Leah V.

Fat Girl Style Guide: Color Blocking

Myth: Fat Girls Can't Wear Bright Colors or Color Block.

Why? Because it makes them look bigger or brings unwanted attention to their 'problem' areas.  

Photo: Danni Little

First of all, an area of your body is only a 'problem' if YOU make it one. If you decide that you do, in fact, have an area that you just absolutely hate, then my suggestion is to change it or learn to accept it.

We've got to rewire our minds and thinking about our body and how we view it. Also about fashion and style. Because rules are sometimes meant to be broken.

Color blocking is simple and basically utilizes two (or more) bright colors to contrast one another. So here, I have a white vest with a red skirt from Society+ 

Color blocking gives a clean, contemporary look with an edgy feel. And is a style technique that anyone can partake in, even fat gals and guys :)

Shades: Have H.I.P.S. + Turban: Flossy's Suitcase + Shirt: Wal-Mart

A lot of people ask me, as a stylist, how can the cover or hide a big stomach or flabby arms with clothes. I tell them that they can either wear black all day, every day. And that no amount or kind of clothing will 'cover' or 'hide' the parts they don't care for. 

And furthermore, why are we always trying to hide and conceal everything?!? Because when you take your clothes off, it's just going to all hang out there anyways. lol.

Shoes: Payless

I want all my fat fashionistas to choose some crazy, bright colors and try color blocking! Make sure you hashtag #LeahVDaily on Instagram so I can see how you rock it!

And don't forget to visit Society+ and check out all the cool new inventory!

Trois Soeurs: West African Accessories

The power of the internet.

As a blogger, I’m still baffled that people come up to me or message me about how much they love my blog, can dig what I’m doing, and they can actually quote what I wrote in my latest post. All I can do is smile from ear to ear. People actually read the words that I write! Plus, with the power of social media, I’ve been able to reach people in different countries and even locally that I would’ve never known otherwise. Such a great resource.

Moody Blues Set

I get a message through Instagram from Marcy (pictured above and she took all the dope photos). She tells me that she gets what I’m doing and that she has a few custom pieces made in West Africa that she wanted to show me. So let’s do coffee. Cool with me. You guys know that I can be a friendly person. Umm. Sometimes. LOL.

We set a date and met. She told me that she traveled back and forth from Benin to Michigan with handmade cuffs, earrings, and necklaces to sale.

“These beautiful earrings were handmade by Kastro in her workshop in Benin. She wraps ankara wax print cloth over framework to create a unique set of accessories. Every pair sold provides 1.5 hours of tutoring to a child in need through our TS Education Fund,” says Marcy.

Handmade Raffia Earrings by Sikart

So I love Trois Soeurs for several reasons. They have some dope, quality pieces that will set you apart from the other fashionistas (I’m obsessed with African Print!) We know the individual who is creating and crafting each item (providing ethical and safe work). And lastly, the money is going to a good cause: education for children in Benin.

Moody Blues Set

We are doing a GIVEAWAY!!!

Two lucky winners will win either the earrings or the cuff:

<Rules>

1.      Follow @Lvernon2000 and @troissoeursbenin on Instagram

2.      Tell us how you’d rock the earrings or the bangles under the blog post (be creative!)

3.      Two (2) winners will be picked at random on Sunday the 24th of July 2016 (noon EST) and have the items shipped to their residence within ten (10) of the contest’s end.  

*Winners have twenty-four (24) hours to claim their prize and send appropriate information for claim and shipping of prizes. After twenty-four (24) hours, the next winner will be chosen. So keep your eyes peeled. Lol.  

***Update*** Having technical issues with my website. So, in order to enter to win one of the pieces of jewelry go to @troissoeursbenin on Instagram and comment under my photo. And the contest is extended to Sunday, July 24th at noon EST!

Wax Print Teardrop Earrings are up for grabs!!!

Wax Print Bangles up for grabs!!!

Pictured above are the items we are giving away. Don't wait! These beauties can be YOURS! Can't wait to see your responses.

And don't forget to check out TROIS SOEURS on social media and shop:  

https://www.instagram.com/troissoeursbenin/

https://www.facebook.com/TroisSoeursThreeSisters/

http://www.troissoeurs.org/

Editor's Note: A Photo Doesn't Capture Our True Struggles

My blog has always--and will always--be a 'body inclusive" blog. I don't discriminate. And nor should you. All bodies are amazing bodies. Idgaf who says otherwise. But I want to talk to my big girls (and guys) for a hot second.

Over the weekend, I posted this photo. Check out the caption. Extra. I know. Lol.

@Lvernon2000

I'm getting old. I'm going through some shit in life. OK. So I saw this photo in my archives. It was an awesome moment. A moment of carefreeness. When in reality, at that very moment that I posted it, I felt like the ugliest person on the planet. I didn't feel like getting out the bed, seeing anyone's face, or 'talking' about the issues at hand. So, I took it to Instagram. I decided that maybe all the angst I had built up could be channeled into something more positive and helpful to the world. The picture ended up going semi-viral. I got tons of shares, likes (more than I ever had before), and lots and lots of positive comments.

Nope. No fat-shaming occurred...yet. LOL.

A lot of the comments were from women from all around the world praising me for doing something that I find easy and take for granted. But they didn't know that I was in bed feeling so eh! In retrospect, I find it incredibly simple to find clothes that fit, grab a photographer, beat my face, and pose. Even on my bad days. I find it easy to post my pictures, use all the right hashtags, and create a bomb caption. It's nuffin!

The eye opening comment was from a woman who basically said that in her country if you were bigger there weren't any clothes that fit, let alone did large women ever consider modeling.

*Jaw Drop*

And there I was in bed sulking. I was taken aback by her words. And all the other comments of women (of all sizes) just reaching out and telling me that I gave them a little hope and confidence to get out there and try something new. Even if I felt like crap, I was perked up by the love and support. They even trusted me enough to share their stories. A strange blogger from Detroit.  

A lot of us take for granted the small things, the things we think are easy for us. To someone, confidence isn't an issue. Yet half way across the world (or right next door) is someone struggling to hold their head up and look at themselves in the mirror. We never know what someone is feeling by what they post on the internet or, even, from what they say. Sometimes, the pain is buried so deep that it's hard to express.

What I'm saying is that we have to do better by one another. Stop judging a book by it's cover. Because that's not always accurate. It doesn't matter where we come from or what we look like. This isn't a popularity contest or whose the best looking or whose got more followers. This is real life. What we say, how we treat others, and what we type matters. And someone else is looking and searching for that someone who's going to bring them back up. The feeling of helping someone else, inspiring someone else, is enough pleasure for me. And, frankly, they got me out of my funk. When I read those comments, it's like wow, they really did that. And I got to put a little sparkle in their eyes, too. We kinda helped each other without even knowing it. This is where my enjoyment from blogging and social media comes from: The people. The interaction and sharing of information.

I really want to encourage you to inspire someone else--in person or through social media. However you do it, I don't care. Just do it! But the goal for this week is to uplift someone. Because you never know who needs it.

xoxo

Leah V.   

Fat Girl Guide: Affordable Shopping

Person: Ohmageeerd, Leah V. you must have so much money because you always look so fly. Me: *Side-eye*

Not sure how many style/fashion bloggers get this but We. Are. Not. Rich. A lot of us fund our own shopping obsessions. Haha. And if you are a blogger who is rich. Kudos. Keep doing you boo boo!  

Anyways, style doesn't necessarily equate to having lots of money. *Clears throat* Let me repeat this again. Some people think because they have all the designer clothes and bags and nails and lashes that it automatically makes them fashionable. Nope.  

Rolling in dough doesn't mean that you are stylish. The most stylish people that I've met are people who are creative, thinks outside the box, and aren't apologetic about what they wear or where they get it from. Before thrifting became the 'IN' thing to do, there were tons of people going through those old racks of clothes at the Salvation Army and rocking that shit like it was no tomorrow.   

The long shirt $24.99 (Ashley Stewart) and necklace $10 (Charming Charlie's) are both clearance items.

1. BE A CLEARANCE RACK QUEEN

Don't be embarrassed. Walk right in the clothing store and bypass all the pretty mannequins and head straight to that crazy looking rack with items of random clothes hanging off it. You have made it to the clearance section, where you will dig through all the 'out-of-season' items to find a gem.

And listen. You can't be lazy when it comes to searching the clearance rack. You've got to be patient and dig in if you really want a deal. I'd say about 90% of the time, I find at least one thing I love.   

 *Also applies to online shopping. Hit the clearance tab on your fave website.

Long open vest on clearance $16.49 (Target) and floral leggings are from Torrid using a coupon.

2. Combine Purchases with Coupons

Lots of stores have rewards programs, haute cash (where you buy a certain amount and get credit on your next purchase), and of course, coupons. When they ask for your email or address, give it to em! Not only will they keep you updated on new shipments, but once in a while a nice little coupon comes along with the advertisement. Those will help keep down the cost of your purchases. Now, I try to shop at only the places I have coupons for. Of course, sometimes, you will have to buy something for a special occasion and not have a coupon, but for the majority of your shopping, try to do it this way in order to save every valuable dollar.

Tip: Put on a puppy dog face and ask the cashier if they have any coupons behind the counter. Sometimes, it works.

Sweater (Kmart) Nicki Minaj Collection $10.99 on clearance.

3. Thrift Stores and Consignment Shops

Check out your local vintage, thrift, and consignment shops. Basically, these clothes have been worn by other people. They've either donated the clothes or are lending them to be resold.

Tip 1: Be careful with clothes worn by other people. My advice is to thoroughly check over resale items then wash them at once after you've purchased.

Tip 2: Not all resale shops are alike. I've been to some pretty bad ones and then I've been to some really nice ones. Check them all out and see which one is the best fit for you.

Tip 3: See something you like, but maybe a button is missing or it's too big or small? Buy and repurpose it. Get creative people!  

Boots are borrowed and so is the bracelet!

Photo: Frankie Fultz

4. Borrowing

On most of my shoots, I have borrowed at least one item from a friend. Didn't have the money, but I had a shoot. You have to do what ya gotta' do. And, frankly, I'm not even ashamed to admit it. By looking at these photos, you wouldn't even know that fact. We all have that friend or family member that has all the cool stuff. You may not have the means but still want to look cute and feel good. Go borrow!

And make sure you return it clean and unscathed. It's nothing worst than a person who borrows your shit then messes it up.You break. You buy... 

Everything I have on in this photo is clearance or inexpensive.

Photo: Reel Clever Films

5. Invest in Your Clothes Wisely

Don't buy things just to say you have it or to show off. I see girls all the time with every designer label known to mankind on their bodies, walking around with a chip on their shoulder. And it's usually the worst outfit ever. Wear what you want because you like it, it fits your budget, and it makes you feel good.

By no means, am I saying to not spend money on quality clothes. Because, every once in a while, we will splurge. But just make sure you aren't breaking the bank to buy that Michael Kors dress at Saks.

Let's keep the conversation going: What's the best item you've found at a thrift store or on clearance? What's you best or worst splurge item?

The Selfie: What's So Wrong About Being Confident?

I take quite a bit of selfies. You have to take at least 10 pictures to get that perfect one with the right light and angle. I love taking them, especially when I get my face beat. The excitement is real. Too real. Most of the time, I take mine outside or on the way to an event. Usually, people are around. Now, mind you, I don't really pay attention to people who glance or even shoot me a little smile and then goes back to their business, but it's the haters that stand there and grimace and stare the entire time I'm doing it.

Umm, ahem. *Clears throat* Do you mind? A little privacy while I capture this moment of contoured elation.

There was this one time, I was taking selfies at a networking event with some friends. On each floor, we took pictures because the light said NOT TODAY! There was this couple who was watching us the whole time. You know me, I'm a nice lady, but I keep it moving. On the last floor, their hate finally erupted. "Are you guys gonna take selfies on every floor?"

The face people make when they are uncomfortable with a fat, Black, Muslim girl taking selfies.

I've had four years of therapy to get my mind and mouth right...after I snapped out of all types of angry Black woman stereotypes, I finally gave an acceptable answer. I smiled then said, "Yes, we are."

What I really wanted to say was the following: Why you all up in mine? Mind yo bizness! And lastly, why are you so bothered?!?! 

So I threw up the deuces and continued with life.

But this isn't the first time that I've taken pictures of selfies in public and got weird stares. I'd really like to know, why are these people so bothered with what I'm doing? I'm not carrying an ax or performing street tricks, I'm either modeling or taking a picture of myself at a moment where I feel good and confident. And I want to share that moment with other people, or my friends, or keep it tucked away for myself on those low days. The days when I need reminding that I AM beautiful, no matter what.  

I believe that some are angry at the things that they themselves won't allow themselves to do. So when they see me taking selfies, being unapologetic about the way I look and feel, it angers them. I also think that some people feel like taking selfies is for the vain and arrogant. Now, I can't speak for others, but that's definitely not the case for me.

Why does this make people feel uncomfortable?

Selfies are supposed to be empowering. Not this evil act that people do to annoy others. I've had a few people who never took selfies before in their life take some and tag me. What I saw were bigger smiles, chins lifted higher, and that slick glow of confidence that I live for. What's so wrong about that? Want us to walk around like unfabulous zombies? Nah. Aint happening this way. 

And this isn't just a selfie thing, it's an epidemic of people being uncomfortable with you owning it: your life, your circle, and yourself. Yes, I'm fat and I look damn good and sometimes I don't, but most of the time I do! Haha.

I have the right to be confident in my skin and in my clothes. I can strut whenever I want. I can speak with authority if I want. No, I don't think I'm better than you or anyone else, but I make decisions for me that are going to make me happy (including selfies!!!). And if you don't like it then that, my friend, is a personal problem. And I hope that you can get some help for that.

Yonce' says it better. "I ain't sorry. N****, Hell nah!"   

Let's keep the conversation going: How do you feel about selfies? Yay or nay? 

And don't forget to follow my fashion shenanigans on IG @Lvernon2000 or on Snapchat @ LeahVDaily

The Perfect Blogger: Tips on Breaking into the Blogging World

What People Think About Bloggers:

1.       They get hella’ paid from companies and businesses (Make it rain!)

2.       They wake up every morning feeling and looking flawless

3.       They dress fashionable ALL the time

4.       Very little to no hardship in life

5.       Skin always perf! 

What Actually Happens:

1.       No money

2.       Usually, no money

3.       Always wanting to quit blogging, just because life

4.       Chin breakouts on the regular

5.       Sweats are our friends!

Of course, every blogger’s life is different and payment varies, but for the most part, the bloggers I know are fighting the same battles. Blogging isn’t all frills and happiness. Sure, it has its perks because a lot of people wouldn’t even bother to do it if it didn’t. But I’m here to tell you the nitty gritty about blogging if you’re thinking of starting one or if you just want a better appreciation for the bloggers you know and love.

1.       Our Voices

A lot of us started our blogs because we had something to say. There was a void in the fashion industry that we felt like we needed to fill. A few bloggers I know started because there wasn’t a lot of accurate ‘plus-size’ representation in the media. Bloggers and body positive influencers are changing that. They researched, they contacted companies, they called out ‘fat-shamers’, and modeled dope outfits simultaneously. They spoke out without fear against the ‘MAN’ that was fueling self-hate and unrealistic body types.

The reason, I started my blog was for the exact same reason. I didn’t see any Black, plus-size, Muslim chicks in the fashion game. So I made it my point to fill that gap. I wanted to make a difference. Show them whose boss! And break those stereotypes plaguing African-Americans and Muslims in the world today. 

On the other hand, some people become bloggers for the perks: the free tickets to fashion shows, the recognition, and of course, the money (if they’re lucky), and the big one is fame. They just want to be ‘in’ and ‘popular’.

If you want to become a blogger for those reasons solely, then don’t. Because you’re not genuine and you definitely won’t last very long in the field. People will see right through that transparent face you’ve put on.         

2.       Building Platforms

Most style bloggers, work full-time and blog. If you are able to blog every waking moment of your life and still have an income, then more power to you! But if you’re like most people, you’ll have to have an income to fund your blog. Blogging doesn’t come free, which most people just don’t get. Cameras, lenses, outfits, accessories, shoots, gas, websites, marketing, and time all cost money. Your money.

So right off the bat, companies aren’t going to just start sending you cash and clothes for you to post because they can totally see the value in your services over everyone else. You’ve got to understand that there are hundreds of thousands of bloggers out there in the blogger-sphere. Your job is to show them your worth by differentiating yourself from the slew of others, staying true to your readers—your platform, and producing quality content.     

3.       Prejudices in the Industry

Time to get to the dirty part. The part no one wants to talk about. The fashion and blogging industry can be, at times, extremely frustrating. There was a time that I wanted to quit because I felt like there was no taming the monster. Cliques form, other bloggers get very nasty and competitive, and companies can and will use you for your time and resources and dismiss you like a bag of rotted turnips. I have many, many horror stories.

Also, there is prejudice and racism that occurs. There will be events and shoots that will strictly have white bloggers present. There will be other times when the ‘lighter’ skinned bloggers will be chosen over the ‘darker’ skinned ones. Same with size and age. If your too old or too big then you will get overlooked and dismissed. 

With that said, it is your duty to rise above all the cattiness and bullshit that comes with any and all fields of work and creativity. You just keep doing you and do it unapologetically. What keeps me from quitting? Other bloggers that are supportive, who understand the struggle, and lets me know that it’s going to work out if I stay persistent and true. My fans and readers who constantly uplift me and send me nice and encouraging messages. That’s who I do this for, not the duds in the industry dictating what’s new and trendy and pretty.     

4.       Blogging with a Purpose

So many people inquire about blogging and how I’ve built and maintained my little platform. And I tell them everything I said above, but the one thing that I really want them to get is the purpose and the goal. Why do you want to do this? What do you want your viewers to get from this? And what’s the goals (big or little) to reach them?

If you’re doing this because you want to take pretty pictures and post them to get likes on Instagram, then do whatever floats your boat. If you want to make a difference in someone’s life, help someone who hates their looks and is unhappy all the time because of it, then go for it. Whatever angle you want to take just make sure it’s with a goal and purpose in mind.

Words are powerful. I think a lot of us spend too much time on social media that we’ve become invisible to one another. People still actually read and the words that we allow out of our mouths and through our fingers will float on in reality forever. So do yourself a favor and really think before you put something out there. Think about where you want it to go and what affect you want it to have on people.

5.       Persistence is Key

Sounds like an after-school special, I know. In anything you do, you must be persistent and confident in your abilities. You have to be that person that goes above and beyond. You can’t be a slacker then expect something to just magically happen. If you think that, then please stop. Because that, my friend, is pure insanity. Have realistic goals of yourself and realistic expectations of who you’re working with as well. Because your blog is your brand. And if you allow your brand to have a bunch of typos, collaborate with shotty people, and post once in a while then you’re off to a very bad start.

I’m not saying this to detour you. I’m saying this so that you can start your blog with good intentions, great work ethic, and a message that WE, the reader, can really relate to. I want you to feel confident about starting your blog, Youtube, and social media pages. Trust me, it’s all a learning process, but I know you can do it. 

So, happy blogging!      

Curvy OOTD: Spring Is Officially In Session

In Michigan, it can be spring one day and winter the next...But I think it's safe to say that SPRING is finally here. So, since I've endured like 20 months of winter (haha!), I figured that I'd pull out all of my yellow. And do a happy spring post, in hopes that the cold doesn't come back for at least four months.

So since, I'm traveling, editing my novel, and working on a few creative projects, I just thought I'd pop in with an OOTD post letting yall know that I'm still alive!

Enjoy.

Wardrobe Breakdown:

Hijab (Scarf): Caniff Gift and Variety in Hamtramck, MI

Shirt + Shades + Necklace: Forever 21

Blazer + Flats: Torrid

Jeans: Burlington

Purse: TJ Maxx

Lippie: Colourpop Cosmetics (Online)

My buddy Madinah M. took all of my photos in the cold! Go follow her on the IG @theeebeautyqueen

And follow me on Snapchat @LeahVDaily

I'm also on IG @Lvernon2000

Curvy Enthusiast: Alysse Dalessandro of Ready To Stare

Alysse Dalessandro, activist, fat fashion guru, and owner of Ready To Stare, was gracious enough to grant me my very first interview on my new website platform this year. So exciting. I first came across her Instagram account about two years ago and fell in love with her boisterous style and outspoken posts on the body. I even had the pleasure of meeting her in person last year and hope to work with her in the future. She’s a pillar in the plus-community and her voice transcends our time. If you don’t know her, then get to know her:

LV: Let’s talk about your self-perception as a teen. How did you see yourself as an adolescent as far as beauty and self-esteem?

AD: In school, I was painfully shy, and I knew that I was different. One of the few fat kids, I matured much earlier than the other girls so fashion became my armor. And it still is. It was the one thing in my life that made me feel good, so when I would be bullied or rejected by my classmates, I stayed confident in my ability to put together looks. It didn’t matter if my classmates didn’t get them. In fact, I relished in being different. Fashion was empowering, and it started my pathway to self-love and acceptance. There’s something powerful about being able to express yourself.

LV: How did you stumble upon blogging?

AD: I actually wanted to be a blogger for a long time but was too scared to put myself out there. It had to do with the fear of not being good enough.

In 2012, I came up with the name Ready To Stare, my jewelry and accessory business. It was actually the name of the personal style blog that I was too scared to start. For the first two years, I was able to get my voice out there in the fashion world while remaining behind the scenes.

By the end of 2013, I felt stuck. My friend told me that I needed to put more of myself in my business by taking selfies and modeling for a Ready To Stare campaign. The reaction was huge. It gave me the confidence I needed to start my personal style blog, #StareStyle in May of 2014. And that entire year was a really big for my personal and business growth.  

LV: Explain what the Body Positive Movement means to you?

AD: To me it’s really about loving yourself and helping others to do the same. My definition of body positivity continues to evolve, because mainstream media has started to cover it without a full understanding of what it actual means. I’m increasingly frustrated by the loud voices of small plus-size or non plus-size women being lauded as the face of the body positive movement who do not represent my interests as a size 22/24. At this point, I really identify more with the fat acceptance movement than body positive.

LV: Describe your style.  

AD: I feel like my style is constantly evolving. My attitude to fashion is very much IDGAF about what people think I should wear. I strive to break fashion rules and help encourage people to dress the way that feels right for THEM, and not how anyone else thinks they should dress.

The way that I dress my fat body is a political statement, and I’m aware of that when I dress. My style is pretty bold, unapologetic and of course gaudy. I want you to stare. I want what I wear to make you think. Does it make you uncomfortable to see my fat body in this outfit? If so, why? I really think of fashion as tool to dismantle societal norms. 

LV: Share a part of yourself that you may not be so confident in but are working on.  

AD: Great question. I get asked so often about a part of my body that I am struggling to love and honestly, I have had much greater struggles learning to love myself on the inside than I ever had about my body. I still struggle with feeling worthy of things. I still doubt myself. But the one thing that someone could call me that will really hurt me is definitely not fat, it’s crazy.

LV: What is the biggest difference in your life post-blogging?

AD: I feel more free. I don’t feel as afraid as I used to.  I was always able to advocate for others and tell others they were worthy and good enough, but I couldn’t say the same thing to myself. Blogging really represents that personal shift for me. It’s funny with the increased amount of visibility, I face so much more criticism than I did before but because blogging was about finding my own inner strength, I am not fazed by that criticism.

LV: What are some of your top fashion influencers and why?

AD: I take a lot of inspiration from 90s fashion. I love everything RuPaul has even worn. I love the women from the blog, Advanced Style. I think older women who take risks with fashion are so important for fashion rule-breaking. I love Marie from The Curvy Fashionista not only because she’s an OG, but she really cares about making changes in this industry, and I have so much respect for her.

LV: What would you say to someone who said that hated themselves or how they looked?

AD: I would say to be kind to yourself. But there are so many little ways to start to combat those feelings of self-doubt. Take some selfies. Try a bold lipstick. Wear a bikini, even if it’s only in your bedroom mirror. Write a personal essay even if you never publish it. Do it FOR YOU. Challenge yourself to see yourself in a different light.

And don't forget to check out her social media feeds:

Website: www.readytostare.com

Blog: http://www.readytostare.com/blogs/starestyle

Twitter: https://twitter.com/readytostare

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/readytostare

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/readytostare/

Tumblr: http://readytostare.tumblr.com/